(Not) Mind Over Matter

Dear Body,

I often feel very separate from you and don’t see us as the ‘team’ that we are. We have travelled the world together- we took a cruise in Dubai, we traipsed around New York, we played tennis in London. We danced together, ate candy together, laughed together, cried together. Looking back, we’ve had some great times.

My dad always told me to take good care of you. To brush my teeth properly, to drink lots of milk, to let you rest, to feed you good food. I listened to him but I didn’t understand him. I didn’t look at you and see you for what you are- all I saw was something that I should change, something I wanted to destroy. It’s ironic that I feel so detached from you because for the last 14 years, I’ve used you as a canvas to express what  my words never could.

I’ve treated you badly  and you didn’t deserve that. I starved you, I forced you through punishing exercise regimes and I hurt you more than I may ever know. I hated you and you put up with it. Whatever blows I dealt you, you took a stand, brushed yourself off and carried on regardless. This infuriated me. I wanted you to crumble, to fall, to shatter into the thousand pieces that would finally show what I was trying to say. But you didn’t. You stood tall and firm, cleaned up whatever mess I made and kept on going.

I ignored your whispers when you told me you were weakening. I didn’t listen when you told me you needed nourishment, rest, care, love. My screams were far louder than your gentle voice and I took great pride in this. I believed I was stronger, that my will would be enough. I felt powerful,  invincible. I thought I was getting away with it, that you didn’t mind, that you agreed that this was necessary. I was wrong. Your voice is silent now, but I feel cracks appearing and I can’t plaster over them anymore. I’ve done the damage- for years this was what I wanted, and now that it’s the LAST thing I want, I realise it’s too late. I can’t take back what I’ve done and I can’t change the past.

I don’t resent you for this- I understand. And just as you have stood by me for all these years and come along for my crazy rides, I’m in this with you now. We’ll work together, heal together as best as we can, and finally…celebrate together. I don’t want to change you anymore- I love you exactly as you are. You aren’t a canvas or a raggy-doll- you are what allows me to LIVE and I have nothing but admiration and respect for all the amazing things we will do together, in harmony. Body and soul as one.

ellie x

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To whomever it was that googled “blood blister on dogs face” and was led to my blog, I hope you and your dog got the help you needed!

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Onto the exciting stuff!

I got some GREAT packages in the mail today

First up was my prize from Susan for coming up with a new name for her blog…

YAY! Thanks so much Susan! I haven’t had either of these and can’t WAIT to try them!

Next was a package from Sabrina over at Clif who was kind enough to send me some samples…

I have only tried the White Chocolate Macademia- product reviews to come

So, backtracking to last night’s dinner, I took Jaime’s suggestion and marinated the rest of my tempeh in BBQ sauce. I baked it then added extra sauce on top- also made a roasted corn salad (roasted corn, garlic + onion, with laughing cow cheese melted in).

The corn salad was really good! The tempeh…I think I need to just get used to it. I preferred it more plain, but am going to try some more things with it (keep your ideas coming!)

This morning I tested the waters (that are my stomach ) with pumpkin banana oats.

No problemo! This kept me full FOREVER today- I ate when I woke up at 4:30 and thought I’d be starving by 9am. It’s been I think the hottest day of the year so far- hot enough for me to justify buying an ice cube tray. Homemade iced coffee in the foreseeable future!

Lunch today was inspired by Rebecca’s mention of pesto-

Quorn fillet, laughing cow cheese, pesto and ketchup on flax lavash wrap. I am so in love with my George Foreman grill right now- if for no other reason than they make my wraps look pretty! The photo does not do this justice- quorn, pesto and laughing cow are a match made in heaven. 

That’s all I’ve got for now- this post is bordering on novel-length so I’ll love you and leave you and go catch up on all your shenanigans…

Happy Thursday!